Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Fall: It Happened I'm Sure

Last time I had a minute to write was the day I got hit not once but twice on my way to work.  I feared that my car would be totaled but three weeks in the shop and a nice 4200.00 bill paid for courtesy of some very sweet people who live somewhere within two miles of my house I have my van back.  Yes, it has 130,000 miles on it and the interior is well loved.  A new car would be fun but I am practical.  My van is paid for, its reliable and I know what maintenance has been done on it.   For now I am happy to have it back.

So the real reason for not sitting to write was the fear of what would transfer from my head to the page.  Its been rough around here.  So rough that I didn't know until things resolved how stressed out I really was.  I was hanging onto the end of the proverbial rope hoping the knot would hold until I could climb to safety.

I started getting daily and sometimes several calls each day from Keegan's school.  He was getting very difficult to manage.  He is behind academically but the resources offered were pulling him from the class and he hated that attention.  He wanted to be in class with his friends but he couldn't keep up.  I went in one day early in October to see if that would help him adjust and cope.  There was this whole sub situation because his regular teacher was having a hysterectomy.  (Nothing like taking an anxious kid with ADHD and throwing an 8 week sub into his life)  The school did a great job of having a very consistent sub situation but its still not the same.  But what I saw was that the way they were dealing with his ADHD wasn't helping.  He had to sit in the back of the room so he didn't distract the other kids.  But his attention from his desk to what was going on in the front wasn't gonna last.  He was lost.  There was also a bullying situation and a friend situation that were causing even more issues.  He began getting really aggressive and ended up in a few fights.  I was feeling like a total failure of a parent.  The guidance counselor, school psychologist and principal were suddenly way too much a part of life for me.  Ultimately Keegan was transferred to another school in the district with a "special ed" program that can meet his needs.  He is smart and he will learn everything he lost due to the traditional schooling style but it was hard emotionally to make that change.  I cried a lot, he cried a lot.  The first week was so difficult and now the bus drops off a smiling kid who has 80-95% compliance every single day.  I no longer put off starting a project out of fear that the school will call any second and I will have to go intervene.  My productivity is back to where it was and my heart palpitations are gone.  I am very jealous of people who nice compliant kids who like to learn and follow rules.  I won't lie but that is not the child I got with my third and very spirited son.  I still feel very judged; that people are saying "what is wrong with her and why can't she discipline her child."  I am also very blessed that I have the resources available to help me deal and cope.  To have people who have reassured me that I am an even better mom because I deal with so much more than others have to and have come out ahead.  To have a team helping my child who is a very sensitive and caring soul underneath his attention issues, anxiety, and aggression.

In other news, my sister and her daughter moved in with me temporarily.  Her husband just finished his semester down south and they are now looking for a rental in the valley.  They may or may not be moved out by Christmas.  Having another family and a big dog move in comes with its own fun and trials.

I went to New Orleans for a conference.  It was awesome but I missed out on a lot of what NOLA has to offer.  I need to go back with some fun people and when I am not working.  I did get to light a candle for my papa at the St. Louis Cathedral.  We hired a band and police escort to march from our hotel down Bourbon street for dinner and I got to see the river.  So a bit of fun.  And I learned a lot!

We survived hitting the two year mark since papa died.  Two years and I still have things I want to tell him.  I still need his advice.  I had a harder time on his birthday last week.  But I was also sick and tired.

My big event was the cruise conference in which I was a keynote speaker.  It went well.  I presented three times, got some time alone with my husband, snorkeled and learned to dive.  More on all of that later. 

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