Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated!

Have you ever secretly wanted to do something more than you ever wanted anyone to know?!  Have you ever been (maybe) given the opportunity to fulfill that dream?

I've always wanted to be in a musical..............Don't judge!

I tried out for the school play my Freshman year in high school.  I had never taken any acting classes but I figured I should at least get a small part.  I was cut in the first round.  So I joined stage crew.  I love theater and so at least I got the chance to be part of it without being part of it.

I did pit orchestra if it was a musical.  That had a bit more visibility and got to be part of the action.  My senior year when we did Taming of the Shrew the theater teacher asked if I was going to audition but I remembered how horrible it was the first time and I said no.

Life went on and my daughter really wanted to be in a theater class so I found one and both my kids started the road of performing.  With me in the background helping with sets and doing whatever to be part but never be in it; always secretly wanting the chance.

About a month ago my son's piano teacher told me that A was directing the summer show at the park and that he really wanted to cast my husband as one of the leads and me as another.  They also wanted my daughter for a part.  I said "I can't sing, dance or act"  He said, sure you can.  So I stewed and contemplated and secretly wanted this to happen.  As auditions approached I made more and more excuses but was told, just please show up for auditions!  So I commandeered my son's voice lesson and learned a song.  The voice teacher was so encouraging.  I went to the audition and it felt pretty good.  I coerced my husband into auditioning even though he was really unsure he could commit (I never mentioned that he does community theater frequently).  I convinced my 17 yr old son to audition.  Then I flew to St. Louis with the director knowing that I couldn't go to call backs since I was speaking at a conference.

I talked to my husband and he said they had all gone to callbacks and A asked Keegan if he also wanted to be in the show.  So my husband said he was sure that we had all been cast.  Last night while I was at work A called and my son talked to him.  The message I got was that everyone had been cast except me.  A was sorry he just didn't have a part for me...........

So what does that mean?  I suck?  I wasn't at callbacks so he just couldn't fit me in?  He didn't think I could do it since my schedule is tight (I told him I could get my staff to take my classes).  Whatever it means, I feel worse than I think I did when I was 14.  I fully admit that I have been crying at my desk all day.  I want to try again sometime- maybe take a few more lessons from Jen.  But I hate feeling like a Freshman with glasses and braces who gets rejected just like Gaston (only Gaston deserved to be rejected )

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