Friday, February 22, 2013

Pulling Babies from a Suitcase

and other crazy stuff from work........

Yesterday was a long one.  I lost my presentation for Grand Rounds and had to re-write is quickly. It was on manual expression so it was easy and didn't need a lot of references but still it took time.

I was doing GR up north as a courtesy to another hospital so I had to go about 20 miles up there.  Then I had to head out to our SW location to set up for a health fair.  I loaded up my stuff and started on my day of driving and presenting.

When I got to the North hospital I pulled out my doll and breast model quickly and ran in.  (I was running late)  Didn't think much about it until I got to the door and the valet said it looked like I was carrying a real baby by the arm.  Good thing he didn't see the cloth boob in the other hand.

I spent and hour in front of a group of about 40 playing with a fake breast and a doll.  And it didn't phase me.......

Then I drove about 30 miles SW to our other center and put out my supplies.  I had two pelvises (pelvi?), a fetal baby, six uteruses with various size fetuses (feti?), two babies the aforementioned breast and I don't remember what else.  Then I left to go get my kids settled before heading back for the health fair.

When I got back my favorite high risk OB was set up next to us.  The whole night Mike kept saying that we had all the toys and he wanted to be at our booth.  He even came over twice and asked to borrow a uterus and once to borrow a pelvis.  He was clearly jealous of our models. 

This morning I had to haul all the supplies back into the closet.  I was tired and it was snowing AGAIN.  So I dragged it all in thinking that my job is for the young and started unpacking.  It was then that I really looked at my stuff and realized that there I was in a public hall unzipping a suitcase and pulling out babies.  These are teaching models so they look real.  I can only imagine what the people at the end of the hall who weren't close enough to see them were thinking.  It reminded me of all the other things that happen to me in my line of work:

A pelvis fell out of the closet and smacked me on the eye.  I was afraid I was going to have to go to the ER and say "can I get worker's comp for being hit by a pelvis at work?"

We found an old baby in the closet that was UGLY!  Matted hair, eyelashes missing, stains.  We hog tied it to our secretary's chair with a note saying that the baby would be removed if she gave us diet coke the next three times we taught.  She hid the baby and said that unless she had double latte's for a week it would show up where we least expected it.

Riding a gurney in the parking lot at midnight after cleaning out the old building.  I wet my pants.  True story.

Touching your own breasts in front of a huge group of people because its the best way to demonstrate something.

Looking on-line for the breastfeeding video that Kitty F. produced only to realize that putting Kitty and Breastfeeding in the same search was a bad idea.  (No blocks on a University computer)

Saying to someone "if anyone can get you pregnant it will be Dr. B!"  and then realizing what you said.....

The opportunity to tell parents their baby is a great sucker.  And meaning it as a compliment.

But the most fun we have is with Big Brown.  BB was purchased by the former coordinator for.......we don't know and are sometimes scared to think about it.  BB is a Big Brown Penis Model.  You hook it up to this thing and it shoots out fake semen.  Its supposed to be used to teach how to put on a condom.  But we don't teach reproduction just after the fact.  So BB stays in the closet until some unsuspecting person finds him- on their desk, in their chair, hidden in under papers that need to be filed. 

A nurse from another unit found out we have a cloth vagina.  She wanted to put it on her head like a hat for Halloween and go as "crowning"  We couldn't let her do that but we did but ole BB in a baby shower bag with a balloon that said "Its a Boy!"  then left it on her desk. 

Yes, its all inappropriate humor but when you talk about vaginas all day you have to have a bit of fun. Right?!  The only thing is we have to be really careful what we do/say to whom because EEOC knockin at my door would not be fun.

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