Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Taxes

I'm tired of owing and then hearing about everyone getting refunds. Really, I do think that we need to help people but the fact that certain people I know can't/won't keep a job, they don't pay rent because they are squatting and then they get 3K back due to earned income credit really makes me mad. But now I am done with my tax bitch for another year.

On a better note, only 9 weeks until the great kitchen remodel of 2012.

And only seven weeks until Ragnar. I better bump up my running regimen

Friday, April 13, 2012

The Case of the Missing Fetus' (feti?)

I have great teaching supplies. I have two penises, one brown and one white. The white one is hidden in a box and never gets to be released from the dark confines of the box. The brown one has been named Big Brown and gets used in many a practical joke. We have to be careful though because of sexual harassment laws and all.

We have numerous pelvises, babies, epidural kits, breasts etc. And I have (had) have again my fetus set. I loved that set for teaching. They are plastic molds of a uterus with a fetus at a certain gestational age inside.

About 16 months ago, they went missing. I was so upset to lose them. I actually put money in the budget this year to replace them. It all happened when I hired M last Jan. She took it upon herself to purge the office of what she thought was old and should be gone. OK, I get that she had new digs and wanted to make them comfortable but I kept trying to redirect her to learn the job and not worry as much about the office. But she was determined to clean the office up.

Shortly after she started, I went in and she had a bunch of teaching supplies sitting on the cart and wanted to get them out of her office. My box of fetuses was one of the items on the cart. I distinctly remember saying- oh those are the fetuses I use when I teach at the community college and I need to make sure they stay safe. And I never saw them again- until today.

I went to get them to teach a class and they were gone. I asked if she had seen them and she said no, she didn't know what I was talking about. I reminded her that they had been out and I said they needed to be kept safe. She vaguely remembered. I searched high and low and finally gave up.

Today I went into the admin office and T (my new person- thank goodness) said she got a strange package. There it they were, the box tattered and taped up with postage from a city 12 miles away and no return address. No note, nothing.

Where did they go? Who would have "borrowed" them and then sent them back? Its a mystery that I will most likely never solve. But man it will be nice to have them again.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Mr. Underwear

When we bought our house, the people who lived behind us were kind of odd. Nice but odd. The women was bat shit crazy and I never really saw her husband. They had a Basset named Daisy and a bird that would yell "shut up Daisy" all the time. I loved them and their quirkiness. Their yard looked like an Oklahoma farm house with all the stuff lying around but no worries.

Then they moved.

Our house is on the top of the hill so we look down on our backyard neighbors. It was never a problem until about two years ago. Then a woman bought the house and she and current Mr. Lover moved in. I thought he was her husband until her daughter bought the house next door and they told me that he was just a "live in." We never talked to them much partly because she told our next door neighbor that she didn't like Catholics. My neighbor told me I should throw beer bottles over the fence because excessive drinking seemed to be her issue with Catholics. Whatever, I didn't throw beer bottles but I also didn't become overly friendly either.

Fast forward a few lovers to Mr. Underwear. One day I was out on my beloved deck when I saw current lover in his whitey tighties doing the morning sun salutation. And I'm not talking yoga here. He was inside the house but then came out onto the back patio to wash the table IN HIS UNDIES WITH A HARD ON! I was so shocked I didn't move. I don't know if he knew I was out there. Then he proceeded to wash the sliding glass door over and over again. I was on the inside facing out, doing squats from top to bottom washing and washing and washing.

Did I mention that Miss Neighbor is not a spring chicken?! And Mr. Lover is old with saggy man boobs and a huge belly and does nothing for me in his briefs.

I thought it was maybe a fluke until it happened again, a few days later. This time I made a lot of noise walking on my deck thinking he would get the hint that all though it was early 6:30/7:00 AM that he wasn't the only one up and about. I still questioned that he was really doing it when my sister was at my house and he did it again. "How dirty can that glass table and those sliding doors be?!"

So I did what every peace loving neighbor who hates conflict would do. I planted trees! Tall Tall trees. And I watered them with Miracle Grow. And this year, they are tall enough that they are blocking the yard in the vulnerable spot. But he quit showing up in his undies I think he overheard my brother in law mention that I had an underage daughter and that I should really call the cops on him. I didn't but I could have.

Whitey Tighties on old men with saggy man boobs should be banned. At least when the neighbors can see.