Saturday, December 31, 2011

What's In a Dream

I don't dream a lot or rather I don't remember my dreams. I also don't sleep a lot and if I sleep in I tend to feel sick and lethargic all day. I'm not really a "short sleeper" because I do sleep a bit more than six hours a night and I don't have the other traits such as fast metabolism (darn) but I digress. My husband and kids are always telling me about their dreams which really is boring. Unless you were there, they don't make sense. I used to dread when my older two would start out on the drive to school with "last night in my dream" I don't know why that bothered me so much but it did.

So last night, I went to bed and woke up with my alarm at 6:00 AM. I decided that since it was really the last day of Christmas Vacation and I'd have to start up with the 7 AM carpool again next week that I'd stay in bed a bit longer. I woke up frequently because I'm not used to being in bed past 7 AM but then fell into a really deep sleep around 8:30. I was dreaming about all of us kids helping mom with some yard work and then for some reason I went inside a building I came around a corner only to see my dad standing there. He was my dad of maybe two years ago, not quite as sick and with just a mustache and no beard. He was wearing his red coat and had his cane. But he wasn't really using it. I walked over, which is funny because I would run if I could see him again. We hugged and I told him I missed him. I told him I wanted him to come back. But I never said any of those things, they were just assumed. Then he said "Heaven is just like Jesus said it would be." He turned and walked away. I woke up and was really happy for a moment and then really sad. But sad in a "I miss him so much, but know he's better off" kind of sad.

A few of my friends on FB say is was a vision or it was really him. I don't know. I'd like to think it was. I do believe there is more to life than this but I don't know exactly what I believe. I am a cradle Catholic so I grew up with the belief in heaven and God and Jesus but sometimes I question it. Well, often I question it. Dad had a near death experience in 1984 and he said he was not afraid of death. He said he's never experienced such peace in all his life. For that, I am happy. I want him to be safe, happy and at peace.

Friday, December 9, 2011

SWAT Team, An Ugly Sweater and a Christmas Cactus

The holidays seem to be a time where everything overlaps. AHHH. I would love to just have a low key couple of weeks but someone killed my work week. (AHEM, I make my own schedule so what was I thinking?!) I took an extra shift on Wed. night to run the code purple drill. Our emergency guy spent 1.5 years coordinating this drill and needed people. I love a good drill so I said I could do it. We all assembled at 8PM in the vacated CNC building for instructions and assignments. I wanted to be a hostage until it came time. They asked for ten volunteers and about 20 people raised their hands. Hospital workers are weird! The hostages were taken out for instruction and the rest of the assignments were made. I chose to be a patient but in retrospect I should have been a visitor or care provider.

We got wanded to make sure we didn't have any weapons and then were told to find a place that we might be when an event happened. I went into a room and sat on the table. Did exactly what one would do and scoped out the room, discovered I had a locking door and then went to the bathroom so I wouldn't pee myself during the exercise. It takes a long time to "wand" 100 people so I decided to hang out in the hall chatting. A cute nurse from internal and I started talking and she decided she would just come in my room when the drill started. 9:03, a guy walked in and started yelling profanities asking for Dr. Walker saying he was going to kill him. I am apparently a total chicken because my RN friend wanted to watch what was going on and I said, NO get out, hide out, take out!!!! We are hiding. I know, I'm a total procedures geek. I can also tell you what RACE and PASS stand for.

I shut off the lights, locked the door and pulled a scanner to hide behind. Definitely the adrenaline was pumping, they had air soft guns and were using simulated gun shots. That guy was scary as hell! I've never heard more F-bombs in my whole life. He did try to get in our room but couldn't. This was not an exercise for the weak of heart or innocent vocabulary. Then it got boring. The cops raced up and we saw that from the window, we heard helicopters hovering and then silence. Complete silence. That was kind of weird. What was going on? Should we open the door? Finally, the RN decided to look outside because help out is that last part of a code and we needed to see if anyone was dead or injured outside the door. Nothing- no one-eerily quiet. So we waited and listened and debated what to do next. In a real situation we would have just waited for the police to find us, but we kind of didn't want to get left there and miss the debrief. I told her that since five of my co-workers were there someone should notice we were missing. She said good, because she was the only one there from her area so one would notice if she was missing. It reminded me of the time when we were kids playing kick the can and Brandon Monson didn't get found. He was hiding forever and finally came out after the game had ended and everyone had gone home.

Finally we decided to open the door. Just as SWAT was clearing the area. Nothing like opening a door to find someone in the hall with a rifle and full gear looking around. We knew better than to startle them so we had opened the door slowly, stayed low and kept our hands visible. They yelled at us to go back in. We did and I hid again, I didn't want them busting open the door and killing me. Then we heard someone say this floor has been swept and is clear. UM no, what about us? Then someone said, "there is a girl in that room" We waited and waited and they finally pounded on the door and yelled to open up, police. Then I though, how do we know they are police? What if the guy had broken free, killed everyone and came back to kill us? OK too many horror movies. My new friend opened the door and they yelled at us to get down with our hands up. We did. Then we had to lace our fingers behind our heads and get up. Finally they told us to go. We had to walk past 25 guys in full gear all pointing their rifles at us. We were sent back down to debriefing where all my co-workers were waiting with coffee, hot chocolate and treats. Our CNO was shot in the head and dead. Sad, I kind of like her.

I kind of wish I had decided to be a visitor in the hall because then I could have seen what was going on. But I learned a few things. It was fun though and worth working an extra 6 hrs this week. Then I realized I also had myself scheduled all weekend. Picking up a teaching shift on Sat and doing lactation on Sunday. Being exempt has its pros and cons.

So after my hectic day on Wed I had three parties on Thursday. I managed to make two of them. First was the afterschool care/daycare Christmas Program. They are so awesome. All the classes learned a song and dance. The babies were darling singing "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" Really, no singing occurred but it was cute. Keegan being a school ager was the last group but it was worth the wait. He starred as the cactus in "The Grumpy Santa Claus" He had no lines but was the best cactus ever!

Then I made it to the Ugly Sweater Girl Scout Leader Party. I was kind of feeling Bah Humbugish about the sweater. I went to the thrift store and didn't really find anything ugly enough. Then I got a brilliant idea. I found this bulky shapeless red sweater with a pocket. I found some little stockings with dogs on them and sewed them to the boobs of the sweater. It turned out hideously blingy. If I'd had time I would have gotten some garland or lights to put around the collar. Totally won the contest. Several of my fellow leaders are in the medical profession so we spent the party talking about things like pertussis, HPV and sexually active teens but hey, it was fun.

Hoping for some time to finish getting ready for Christmas so that when Meg gets here we can just play.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Thank You All for Coming Here Tonight

Last night I was tired. I worked longer than planned, ran to the grocery store to get the rest of the stuff for tacos, picked up Keegan and headed home. Then I realized I forgot cheese. You CAN'T HAVE TACOS WITHOUT CHEESE! I didn't want to take Keegs to the store because that is an effort in patience with him wanting everything. Luckily Brian was getting ready to head home so he said he would get the cheese.

So I sat down to check email. Our tree is up and we always have the stuffed bears and animals sitting at the base of the tree. Brian has a mini harp that he bought when he was about 19 that had been in the storage closet. Keegan brought it up when took out the decorations so it was sitting by the fireplace. I'm typing away and hear from behind me "thank you all for coming here tonight." Curious, I turn around and find Keegan talking to the bears. Then he sits down and plays the harp for about 3 minutes. Stands up, bows and heads out to play with his toys. I love that little munchkin with all my heart. He is challenging and difficult and bullheaded but he is also the sweetest kid on earth. Now to continue working on his temper.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Blubbering Ball of Tears

I probably should have skipped the make up today. Everything is making me cry. I took pizza and beer up to Fr. Dave since he and dad shared a birthday. Well, a bottle of beer and a gift card for pizza but close enough. I took thank you notes to the staff for all their help with the funeral. I held it together until I got in my car and then sobbed all the way to work.

I pulled myself together again to get into the office without anyone asking me what was wrong. And then I logged onto Facebook and saw the messages my sibs had written on his wall. And I began sobbing again. Its good though. I have always been the stoic one and I think its healthy to cry.

Its going to be a loooooong day today. I have staff meeting which has to be held in the evening. I would have come in later but my 1:1 with my boss was moved to this morning. And then it was moved to this afternoon due to the high winds up North. And now its cancelled since my boss is stuck on the freeway in Centerville. So I could have stayed home but since I'm here, I guess I'll work.

Yesterday, I had a great time running errands with Keegan. That is an unusual statement because running errands with him is not fun. He feels the need to buy something at EVERY store-"it won't be spensive!!!!!" is his war cry. Then if he gets bored he complains the whole time I am somewhere. But not yesterday. Bless his little heart. We had to go to the EVOO store to cash in my Groupon that was getting close to expiration. (If you don't have a bulk EVOO and balsamic vinegar store in your area, you are missing out!) Then to Walmart for some photos where he didn't even ask to look at the Legos. We did get his snow boots since this wind is supposed to bring snow at some point. Then to Sunflower for coffee and a few things. By then I was tired. We still needed to stop at Starbucks for gift cards and then The Pie for a pizza gift card. YIKES. He was such a trooper that when he wanted to know if we could go to the Dollar Store to spend his allowance, I told him it was a great idea. He only had 7.00 and he'd never been to the dollar store. He had high expectations and I think was a bit disappointed with the selection but found 6 items of junk that he really wanted to buy and had the time of his life!