Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sometimes Life is Overwhelming and There are Good Times

Before leaving for Yellowstone, Brian had talked to his dad. He told him that his prostate cancer was back. Any cancer coming back is NOT good. For him it is very scary because his dad died of return prostate cancer that metastasized to his brain. Grandpa Wilmer was in his early 70's and it was just after we were married. I didn't get to know him very well, but feel like I know him through the stories. Brian's dad is only in his early 60's and that is just too darn young. I know, people have been younger but still- its too young.

So on our trip my brother has a heart attack. My YOUNGER brother. Granted he has a much more stressful life, doesn't eat as well as I do and doesn't run but it scared me. Scared me to the point that I started having panic attacks which feel like heart attacks. (At least that is what I hear). So I quit running for two weeks then I sucked it up and put on my shoes and guess what- IT FELT GREAT!!!!!! Mentally and physically. I got a doozie of a cut on my foot at Lake Powell but I am trying to run through it because I'm back on the horse and I don't want to fall off again.

But then, right before leaving for Powell my dad found out he had some dark spots on his lung. I knew in my heart what that meant. He kept reassuring us that it was nothing, probably the gunk he had in his lungs that was making him cough a lot (DENIAL?) So he had to go in for a bronchoscopy while we were at Powell. He tried to not tell us, said he wouldn't have the results for a week or so but we knew. Finally on Friday I got him to tell us. He said he didn't want to ruin the family camping trip but honestly, it wasn't a shock.

I am a tough woman- too tough for my own good but I am finding myself having massive anxiety over things that would normally make me fret but not be paralyzed with fear. The Sears bill, Keegan's behavior at camp, the bank balance, all of those things are scary to me right now. As I was faxing a form earlier I almost started crying and just about told my boss I needed to go home for a mental health day but I pulled it together and I'll be OK for now.

Life is also good. We had our trip to Powell and despite the aggravation of some events I had a blast. The Jayco is AWESOME! I am so glad we bought it. The water can't be beat and other than the heat its such a great camping spot. Much better than bear camping. I prefer the snakes and scorpions to the bears any day. That said, I was stung by a scorpion- check that fear off my list. It wasn't so bad and I lived to tell about it.

Daniel oh Daniel you are a funny kid when you aren't tormenting your brother. Really, you are- don't lose that. First off, you were the best to make sure everyone had a bottle of water when they got to camp late and were a bit grouchy (no, not a bit, VERY grouchy) That was sweet and no one told you to do it. And Hug Zombie was awesome. Everyone wants to be hugged by a wet 15 year old who just got out of the lake. Well, not everyone, but at Powell, when its 100 degrees in the shade, a sopping hug is great.

And then there was our night patrol. Keegan had to have the captain hat they sold at the store. It was dang cute so I gave in. True to self, Keegs fashioned up a costume, set up lighting and patrolled the area. Just like a real watchman. Of course Em and I ended up in fits of giggles because it reminded us of The Brides Maid "I get first watch" Then I was informed that the services were not free but that we had to pay for that level of protection. Luckily, he was willing to take a dollar per family. PHEW! That kid is going to be a lawyer or a businessman some day.

So our trip was not the days of water skiing and bliss that I had envisioned but were tainted with broken boats, cars and bad news. But we did have a vacation and we are so blessed and that is what I need to remember.

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